Thoughts..

Thinking and thoughts.

Bit long, read if you wish.. swear I talk or type for way too long.

So it is Sunday and I have work at 1pm but it's all good as its only about 5 hours as we open only for four hours on a Sunday :)
I will be off for a few days from next Saturday for my brother in laws Surprise Birthday Party!
Can't wait to see all the in laws..
Anyway getting off subject.

When I was growing up my mum and dad had money but we didn't spend like crazy, my parents divorced and my dad went a spending splurge to make his house better than mums.. you know what parents are like sometimes.
Then when I got to half way through 13 years old, bullying started and I wouldn't want to go to school so my mum would bribe (*Well, not bribe but give me a reward.. I don't know what you'd call it*) me with if I went to school today we would go shopping on weekend or something silly like I would get a cake.
In the end I moved schools to the neighbouring area, I was constantly missing the bus and late a lot of the time, and again my mum would *bribe* me with shopping trips, treats and trips to see family or something.

Looking back yes it probably help me go to school but I was at school to have fun, skive and not bother... Never was there to learn because I'm an idiot. Looking back now, I do wish I tried harder in classes instead of just working hard at my stage-school on Friday nights with friends and drama class at school (Even if I just managed to pass).
I am willing to learn now I am a lot older and writing this blog is helping how to write properly again but also beauty and shopping they obviously don't teach in schools but that is something I am interested in and many other things too!
I did do an NVQ in volunteering and did many projects with that, met some cool people but the teacher was definitely to cool one! Bright red hair and braids.. I could never pull that off.

I applied for a paid charity job a couple of weeks ago, I actually didn't get the assistant manager role as I am not in a paid role (within the charity I volunteer but also a regular paid retail job is what I need experience in  why?!) bums me out a little as I have been with this charity nearly 2 years and I might never get anywhere. However being a team leader is great and I really am learning a lot about myself.
For a few examples - 

• We have one wage, learning to budget is hard! I will learn to budget... promise.
• I feel proud every bit of money we make within the charity but also makes my mental health stable. 
• The experience I am getting I would not get anywhere and it is going to be great for my CV.

On a side note, are you one of those people that ask for discount in a charity shop??? 
IF SO, DON'T! It is a pet peeve of mine and I get asked about 20 times a day.. so please just DON'T.

But honestly I am in a really good place right now, slightly up and down but people keep telling me that is normal.
I always worry I cry about things too much or drink too much alcohol. But of course I do that on nights outs with the husband, friends or family. I will cry because crying is a release and makes you feel better. It is only if you're crying everyday and the motivation is all gone that is when there is something else going on.